Learning to Feel Safe – The High Cost of Low Self-Worth and Self Esteem Part 3

iStock_000011640561SmallLast month we began a deep discussion of the power of our hidden low self-worth and self-esteem programs and how they are affecting our lives.  Today I want to talk about one of the hidden self-worth programs of not feeling safe, and some ways that might be impacting your life.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you feel safe?
  • Do you feel safe and secure in your home?
  • Do you feel safe as you drive your car or take the bus or the subway?
  • Do you feel safe in an airplane?
  • Do you feel safe and secure financially?
  • Do you feel safe and secure in your job or career?
  • Do you feel safe to be the REAL you?
  • Is it safe to try something new and different?
  • Is it safe to spend money or is it safer to save for “a rainy day?”
  • Do you feel like you’ve been abandoned?
  • Do you feel judged?
  • Have you been bullied or ridiculed?

If you have answered “no” to any of these questions, or “yes” to the last three on the list – or if other ways you don’t feel safe got triggered while answering these questions! – we may have identified one of the ways that hidden low self-worth or self-esteem  programs might be tripping you up.

iStock_000017959802XSmall“There are a lot of really scary people out there,” was something that I heard often as a kid.  Followed closely by, “You just can’t trust anyone!”  Perhaps you’ve heard those same sentiments, as well.

Those two statements begin programming that can have deep implications throughout your life.  They keep you from trusting yourself and others.  They create an energetic space of fear and distrust that is held in the unconscious mind that the world, in general is a very scary place.   It implies that you should be fearful of all the terrible things that could possibly happen – and your brain is then trained to look for fearful, scary people and events.  It creates an energy of anxious expectation that something bad will happen.

I’m not saying that there aren’t some people who act in terrible ways.

But let’s put some things into perspective.  The population of the US is about 325,000,000 people – give or take a few hundred thousand.  The number of violent crimes in 2011 (the last data available) was 1,200,000 and down by 9.7% from 2010.   That means that less than .0037 percent of the population committed violent crimes (providing that each of these crimes had different perpetrators).  Yes, this an profound over-simplification, and it doesn’t include property crimes, etc.

Property crimes in 2011 were 9.06 million (also down from 9.1 million in 2010) which means that less than .0279 percent of the population committed property (non-violent) crimes.  Again, a massive over-simplification (and also assuming that each property crime was committed by different perpetrators).  But perhaps you can begin to see where I’m heading with this line of thought.

These are just the statistics for the United States.  Other countries have significantly lower rates of crime.

two women huggingYes, things happen.  But the VAST majority of people (in the US alone) are not criminals!  In fact, they are “normal” people just like you and me.  Honest, compassionate, loving, hard-working, having hopes and dreams, doing charitable work, raising families, and doing the right thing day after day.  And the other countries in the world who have even lower crime rates are filled with people who are just as kind and caring as can be.

Again, this is a MAJOR over-simplification.  I think all of us know someone who is not a criminal but who might be cranky or unpleasant to be around.  But that doesn’t necessarily make them a bad person.  We all have our unique quirkiness and pain signatures!

But my point is that we’ve bought into the belief that the world is a big scary place where people are out to get us. Or hurt us.  Or abandon us. Or judge us.  Where did that come from?

Perhaps it came from our families – where home might not have been a very emotionally or physically safe place in which to grow up.  Perhaps it came from an experience of a violent crime that you experienced or observed.  Perhaps that feeling of not being safe is being perpetrated by the media to sell more chaos and confusion, and raise ratings and is being used by unseen groups or individuals, to take our power and control us by keeping us in fear.

But what if what we believe isn’t really true?  What if it IS safe to be out in the world?  What if it’s safe to speak up for what you believe?  What if it really is safe to take a calculated risk and be highly successful!?   What if…?

If we believe we are not safe, then we are highly reluctant to try new things.  We will sabotage ourselves in thousands of different ways to keep ourselves safe from feeling perceived hurt or harm.

If we are afraid of being judged and not quite measuring up in some way, it will keep up from speaking up and speaking our truth.  It will prevent us from bringing our brilliance, our gifts and talents into the world.

But what if what we believe isn’t really true?  What if it IS safe to be out in the world?  What if it’s safe to speak up for what you believe?  What if it really is safe to take a calculated risk and be highly successful!?   What if…?

light-bulbCan you imagine where we would still be if Thomas Edison hadn’t felt determined and safe enough to bring his invention of the incandescent bulb to the public?  Still in the dark!  There were plenty of people who pooh-poohed his invention, but he persevered on, because he felt secure enough in himself and his invention to speak his truth.  That one invention changed the world.  Just look at all of the inventions and what has evolved from that one single event!

If we don’t feel safe, we will sabotage or even push away relationships because deep inside we aren’t willing to risk being hurt deeply again.  For example, one client who was adopted by a very loving couple couldn’t get over the abandonment and betrayal of his birth mother giving him up.  That feeling of overwhelming abandonment prevented him from risking his heart fully.  He dated – but did sporadically.  However, subconsciously he wasn’t willing to risk someone finding out the “truth” bout him –  that deep sense of complete unworthiness that came from being unwanted at birth.

Yet consciously, he insisted he was ready, willing and able to find his soul mate and live happily ever after.  He wanted it almost more than breath itself!  We had to uncover the deep-seated programming and release the energy of it so he could finally feel the love and worthiness that ultimately led him to meeting and marrying the woman of his dreams.

Changing word Unsafe into SafeThere are countless ways that not feeling safe will undermine your best efforts at success, love, health and well-being.  Take a few minutes to think about yours.  Write them down, and then use the Quantum Soul Clearing Process to help you move past them.

I’m going to challenge you to take a moment and think about how your life would be different if it really was safe to be YOU.  To try new things.  To feel new things.  To really feel your feelings without definition or judgment.  To trust yourself.  To trust others.  What if it was actually safe to fail at something – and then try again and again until you are successful?  What if it is safe to truly succeed at something you’ve been yearning to achieve?

You deserve to have everything you desire – everything for which you yearn.  What’s really stopping you?

If you missed my call on July 30th about this extremely important topic, I’ll be hosting another one in a few weeks.  In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you.  What are the ways you might be sabotaging your best efforts with the low-self-worth program of “I don’t feel safe?”

Be sure to read:


  1. Sherry Burge says:

    I guess I just need to say that feeling safe, for some of us is a dream. I am 70 years old…have worked all but about 19 years of my life…my last position had benefits and I stayed there because of them. I have relatively reasonable self esteem which I have worked at for a period of decades. Safe to me would be financially secure…a plateau I have never reached and it’s largely due to the health care system in this country. One of my parents was mentally ill…forced the family into bankruptcy…my ex-husband was ill. I stayed with that and tried to pay for treatment for him (with insurance part of the time). Health care costs and other factors forced us into bankruptcy and I got a divorce. It took me 10 years to recoup from that as a single parent (without insurance). I was finally able to purchase a very modest manufactured home…then my daughter got sick (no insurance). I have spent what little retirement I had trying to help her with medical costs and a roof over her head.
    My biggest worry is safety when it comes to health care (which I don’t trust and for good reason) and safety for my daughter who is yet unable to support herself.
    Many people think that our system of safety nets does really help those in need. Well, I can tell a different story. I try to feel safe from debt and sickness one day at a time.
    I think your coaching is amazing and I have been able to listen to a couple of tapes which have been really helpful. My rant is not about your coaching…I guess I just need to make the point that safety can be a true reality issue when one can work 50+ years and then know you are one illness from the “poor house.”

    • I agree with you, Sherry. Those “safety nets” often fail those who need them most. It can be difficult to feel safe when our support systems are shaky. I’ve struggled with significant health issues myself, and the astonishing costs, and the impact it had on my family.

      Being a single parent is also infused with anxiousness because if something were to happen to us, we aren’t sure what might happen to our children. I clearly remember what it was like for the two years I was bed-ridden and terribly ill. I wasn’t sure I would live. Part of me wasn’t really sure I wanted to, but I was more terrified that there wasn’t anyone who I felt I could entrust my children to, either! So I decided that the only option was to not only get well, but to thrive.

      Fear is a natural part of being human. And it can play a positive role in keeping us from extreme danger. The self-esteem program of “I’m not safe” I’ve described in the article can happen at any time – but the roots are often from programming that happened early in childhood, from traumatic experiences throughout life, and from previous lifetime experiences. There are no guarantees in life – even if you happen to have millions of dollars.

      Feeling safe is a mind-set. Yes, there may be a “reality” that our current emotional, mental, physical, spiritual and/or financial resources are stretched to breaking. But the definitions, labels and judgments that we place on those experiences, and what we tell ourselves about the circumstances – and, more importantly, about ourselves – can lock that energy in a hold us prisoners in our own lives.

      My hat is off to you for your dedication to not give up or be defeated by what you’re experiencing. Your love and compassion for your daughter is highly commendable. Here are some things that I recommend to clear: “My Parent’s mental illness,” “Bankruptcy,” “Failure,” “Abandonment,” “Struggle,” “I’m one illness (also catastrophe/set-back/etc.,) from the poor house,” “I’m responsible for everything and everyone,” and “I have to do it all by myself.” I’m sure you’re also doing other clearing work, but these might help open up new avenues of feeling more safe and supported every day.

      I hope that helps. Thank you for the inspired conversation, Sherry!

      Countless Blessings,

Leave a Reply to Sherry Burge Cancel reply