2017. It was my “Year of Loss and Transformation.” I want to say first off that as I share this journey with you, it’s not from a place of victimization. It is from the place of sharing my journey and experiences, but also sharing what I did to heal.
Yes, there were times I felt incredibly victimized – but after sitting with the feelings and asking what there was to learn from my experiences, I chose to empower myself. To clear the energies and to learn and grow from the experiences!
There is so much to tell, that it will be told over the course of several weeks – kinda like a saga! Perhaps I should write a book. LOL But I digress…
Actually, my story starts back in July of 2016 when I went to Seattle for what I thought was going to be an amazing PTSD coach training. Instead, it turned out to be anything but amazing. In fact, it brought me face to face with some of the darkest, most evil energies I’ve ever encountered!
Within about two months of the training, my dear friend and colleague, Barbara Cole, and I began researching the leader and the company, because everything we had been promised wasn’t being delivered. After a couple of months of investigation and research, we realized that everything had been built on a house of cards, and was a lie. The energies were anything but empowering and clean, and I refused to allow my work, myself or anyone I’d brought in be contaminated any further.
I realized that I (and the 20+ people I had brought to that training!) were being scammed, and the organization was being run by someone exhibiting extreme cult-leader like tactics and mentality. I immediately reached out to each person I had brought on board. I shared what I knew, apologized for getting involved with the company, and begin getting them out of the reaches of the organizer and company.
The money that was supposed to go to paying the coaches and to work with veterans, abused women and children, and others who were incredibly vulnerable, was being used to buy her a ranch, and to pay for expensive trips, and all kinds of things. Plus, she was continuing to market for more and more potential coaches world-wide.
Most of the coaches chose to leave and most were able to get their money back. A handful chose to stay and continue, which made me feel sick inside, but it was their free will choice to continue and I still hold them in my prayers and love.
There’s so much more to that story, but it’s still in court right now and I can’t go into specifics at the moment because of it all. But what ultimately happened was it made me and Barbara, the head of the Veteran’s non-profit organization that got sucked into this, and anyone else who opposed her, targets for the dark force energy that was (and is) flowing through her. We were all attacked by that dark-force energy – and I had a major battle on my hands. I just didn’t completely know it at the time!
What I finally came to see is that it was the perfect plan to bring down our warriors and Lightworkers all around the world! The “healing modality” we were taught was a profoundly dark-force-contaminated modality that actually caused massive adverse reactions and made people want to kill themselves. We were being used. Brilliantly evil! And Horrifying.
It made me absolutely sick inside to think I was duped into it and had brought in so many others that were being impacted as well. It made me doubt myself and it took months to work through that energetic morass.
Then, in August of 2016 I went in for a regular dental checkup and found out that I had a massive infection that eventually resulted disaster, the bone was being eaten away. That was emotionally painful and such a shocker, because I had no idea there was anything wrong until the dental hygienist was flossing my teeth and pus started coming out after my cleaning! Yikes!
The left front tooth that was initially was one that had been root-canaled many years prior, and I knew it was on shaky ground, so I sighed and went to the endodontist to have it pulled and to get another implant.
Instead, he said, “Oh-oh! We have a problem! Three missing teeth and three hours later I drove home, thinking, “What the hell just happened??”
As I was recovering from that shock, the first of many “hits” happened. My sweet kitty, Natasha took a major energetic hit for me, and she began to go downhill shortly after I got back from Seattle’s “training” and died unexpectedly in September. I was absolutely heartbroken! She’d been part of my life for over 16 years and was such a sweet little fur-love!
Then about a month later, I found that the back two teeth on the side that I’d had the extractions in August were abscessed!! I was shocked and horrified, because I’d been on major antibiotics. But nothing was stopping the bone infection and it kept getting worse.
I consulted another dentist in December, and he showed me that the abscesses were actually happening throughout my mouth. He recommended extracting all of my teeth. I was stunned! And horrified. I absolutely refused. So, I took more antibiotics. And then some more. And then some more.
Also in December of 2016, the love of my live, my other sweet fur-baby, Buddy, took a massive hit for me. I was battling with the dark force energy on a daily basis and the veteran’s association was under assault as well. Three days after Christmas, my sweet Buddy died unexpectedly. It broke me. I was completely devastated. I went into a major depression and the infections in my mouth went wild!
I made an emergency appointment with the dentist and just after the first of the year I had a six-hour surgery to have all my teeth taken out in order to stop the infection. I cannot begin to tell you how painful that was! And it took months and months and months to recover from that.
I kept thinking, “If I had never brushed or flossed my teeth, I could understand losing all my teeth!” But I have always been obsessive about making sure I brushed and flossed at least twice daily.
I realized that one contributing factor was the arthritis medication I was taking. It was a biological medication that took my immune system way down. I just didn’t realize how much. Because of the surgery, I had to stop taking my medication. And, of course, the rheumatoid arthritis went crazy!
Through the dentist, I was fortunate to find an alternative healing clinic in Farmington, about a half an hour from where I live. They did a couple of rounds of IV antibiotics for me so that the infection wouldn’t spread to all of my replaced joints or other tissues and organs. And then I started on a series of high-dose Vitamin C and other nutrients, IV ozone treatments, and other healing modalities.
I spent most of 2017 in an IV chair 2-4 times a week to get the infection and arthritis issues under control, but it was a very slow process and some days I was in so much pain, I just wanted to call it quits. I found myself becoming more and more depressed and wondering if I’d even make it.
So many emotional pieces were coming up during this time to be addressed and healed. Generational pieces about suffering, collective beliefs about aging, what happens when you lose your ability to chew food, personal beliefs about beauty and wholeness were all up for me to look at. I felt like I was losing my health, but most of all I felt like I was losing my identity – and I was.
There was so much loss and grief going on and I decided to just put my business on hold because I didn’t feel like I had anything to offer to anyone.
I’m going to pause here – there’s so much more to my story, but I’m going to save it for future posts. Again, I’m not telling this story from a victimization standpoint. It’s to begin sharing the journey I took last year that has taken me to some very dark places and how I not only survived, but what it has taken to come back from all of that and begin to thrive.
Because if I can do it – so can you. And I know that many of you reading this have been through a very difficult time last year too.
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