We Can’t Do it Alone

Concerned Doctor“Well, there’s no question, Michelle. You have to have that hip replaced. There are no other options. It’s a good thing you’re using that walker, otherwise the head of that femur could break off at any moment. And you do NOT want that.”

My heart dropped and my pulse kicked into high gear. Another surgery! It has been seven years since I had my knees replaced. I’d hoped I would never have to have another surgery. Yet here I was, sitting in my orthopedic surgeon’s office hearing what I took to be a sentencing – and a judgment of my inability to heal myself.

I’d failed again! Where had I gone wrong? What could I have done differently? Why ME? I could feel tears stinging the backs of my eyes, and swallowed hard to keep them from falling. I’d cry later in private. Right now I needed information and I just wanted time to process everything.

My doctor’s eyes and demeanor were very compassionate, personable and professional. I felt like I was in extremely competent hands and could trust him completely. I don’t give my trust to those in the medical profession lightly, and was surprised to find that I felt really good about my doctor. I wasn’t feeling panicky – just a little shocked at how bad the x-rays looked glowing there on the wall.

As I looked at the x-rays, I could clearly see the more than two inches difference in the side-ways tilt of my pelvis, sacrum and low back in the weight-bearing pictures. In a flash, I could see why my chiropractic adjustments haven’t held for long. They can’t – there’s no support. No foundation. Nothing strong or substantial to make the adjustments stay in place. With each step, everything twists and contorts out of place because the bone and skeletal structure just isn’t there!

When I got home, I decided it was time to meditate and contemplate what was really going on – on every level. As I was checking in with the Divine, I heard, “Hips are part of your foundation and support.” While you stand on your feet and legs, your hips are the foundation for your entire torso and upper body. They are the lower balance point/counter balance point for your shoulders and upper body.

I know from personal experience now that if there is any imbalance in the hips, it throws the entire pelvis, sacrum, low back, upper back and neck out of alignment and balance – and ultimately impacts how your head attaches to the neck.

Bones are the framework for the muscles, tendons, ligaments and tissues to hold their shape. Without bones, we are just little piles of gelatinous tissue.

Louise Hay, in her little blue book, Heal Your Body, says that hip problems represent the “Fear of going forward in major decisions. Nothing to move forward to.” And bone problems are about a rebellion to authority. (That certainly resonated for me! lol)

The fact that the head of my femur bone is dissolving and dying tells me that my old foundation is crumbling and no longer supporting me. We make important decisions based on the foundation of our beliefs and experiences. Our past or present definitions, experiences and beliefs create our foundation, and for me, that old foundation has been dissolving for a long time.

I know what I’d like to experience, but like a landscape of sand that suddenly begins to shift because of wind or rain, I’ve found myself with no sure footing and not trusting that there is a safe place to move. So rather than trust that I’d find the right solution to the pain in my hip and sacrum, I did nothing – and that foundation continued to rot away. And I hadn’t replaced it with a new foundation yet.

One of my foundational beliefs is that I can heal my body – and that I have to do it all myself. Because I haven’t been able to resolve this situation, I’ve felt like a failure and a fraud. And the resulting feeling has been one of shame.

I recently spoke with my dear friend and former radio show co-host, Susan Kern. I was telling her how I was feeling. She’d had a surgery last year and had gone through many of the same feelings and experiences as I have been experiencing. She shared with my her wisdom.

I told her – and now I’m telling you – that I have had such profound judgment (and the resulting shame of the judgements) that if I’m such a connected spiritual healer, that I should be able to work a miracle of healing for myself. I feel like I am in service to the planet. I do amazing work with people, who have spectacular results, and I haven’t been able to effect a change of my own. Because I have not have that instantaneous remission and the bones completely re-knitting and cartilages re-growing, then I’ve believed that there’s something wrong with ME!

That was when Susan said, “Michelle, surgeons are expressions of the Divine themselves. They too have a mission of service and work their miracles through the science and art of surgery and healing. They cannot fulfill their mission of service if those of us who are carrying these burdens don’t show up and allow them to part of the Divine co-creative team to work those miracles with you. You do NOT have to do this yourself!”

She also pointed out that I hold energy for millions of people around the world with my work. My hip is also a metaphor for everyone in the world, as well. We are all working from a foundation that no longer supports us! And as I (and each of us) repair the damage and gain a new foundation, I am (we are) also allowing and modeling for others that there is healing in all forms.

As we work co-creatively as a team with Source and the Unseen, we are also working co-creatively together as a human species to make massive change and shifts. It may look personal, but it really is not. It is quite global because we are all connected.

I started to cry when I got it. We are not meant to do this healing work alone. God works in so many ways – not just through alternative healing methods, but also through modern medical intervention.

I realized that I would never hesitate to see a dentist if I had a cavity or broken tooth. How is seeing a surgeon – or any other type of medical doctor – any different? I had just blinded by my beliefs, along with my past experiences! I realized just how guilty I have been of “spiritual significance.”

I thought of the story of the man who, in a flood, calls to God asking for a miracle and to be saved. So God sends someone in a row boat to save the man, but the man refuses and says, “God will save me.”

As the waters rise, he calls out again, “Please God, save me!” And God sends someone in a motor boat to pick him up. But the man refuses, saying “God will save me.”

Finally the waters rise to the top of the roof and the man again beseeches God, “PLEASE GOD! SAVE ME!” And a helicopter shows up to pick the man up from the roof. But again the man refuses help, saying, “God will save me.”

Soon the waters rise higher and the man drowns. As he reaches the Pearly Gates of Heaven, he is righteously indignant with St. Peter. “I was a righteous, man. I prayed and did everything that God asked of me to do. And still I drowned! What did I do to deserve that?!”

St. Peter was quite taken aback and suddenly, the clouds parted and a booming voice filled the heavens. God said, “I sent you a row boat, a speed boat and a helicopter! What more did you want?”

Everything in this world – and everyone in it – has a Divine mission and presence. If we are truly co-creating with the Divine, and we are, there many more answers to our prayers and petitions than we have been willing to see because they don’t conform to our beliefs! Like me, how are you not seeing what is right in front of you? How are you refusing help that is part of the Divine plan?

There is no shame in admitting that you can’t do it all yourself. We are not designed to do anything by ourselves! We need each other. We sometimes need practical, medical intervention. And when we do, refusing help is refusing the Divine’s miracles of healing.

100 years ago, I would have had to simply suffer endlessly. There were no joint replacements. There were not even very good pain relievers or antibiotics!

We are not just spiritual beings. We are also in physical form. All types of healing modalities have been put here on the earth for our good and our use. The journey is learning to find the balance.

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Comments

  1. Michelle, thank you for sharing your very personal journey. It is wonderful when we can overcome our limiting beliefs and move forward with even more conviction to our path of unconditional love of self. At this time in this energy and consciousness we are all being asked to live with the experience of our knowing and not our “beliefs”. Thru that we will enter into the trusting of our knowing and be ever more connected to source…. the universe is so exacting…it is calling for total intregrity from each of us…..so it is bringing in all that will lead to that, remember, it remains a process. I am sending much love and light for a quick healing so you can get back to serving others. Live in Love . Luana

    • Michelle says:

      Luana, I couldn’t agree with you more. I’ve said it so beautifully and powerfully! We truly are being called to move forward and live within our convictions and unconditional love for ourselves and others. The Universe IS calling for total integrity and honesty from every one of us. And in telling the truth of our experiences, I believe that we free ourselves and others of the burden of the lie that we are in some way imperfect or unacceptable in any way.

      I am recovering beautifully and am so excited to be back sharing with others, and holding space for people everywhere to see the brilliance and beauty of who they are – even in their perceived imperfection. :)

      Thank you for your love and support.

      Countless Blessings.

  2. Hi Michelle! When you read this, your surgery will be over, so I hope everything went OK! Thank you for being brave enough to tell us that, as a human being, you are like the rest of us, and NOT perfect! Thank you for reminding us of how we can work together, each expressing what the Divine needs us to express at that moment. And I LOVE your wise friend’s advice about seeing the surgeon and medical team and yourself as being all “on the same side” and each needing the other to express their divine role. It is so deeply ingrained in us, especially women, that “God” wants, expects and needs us to “suffer for our sins” and that asking for help is a sign of unforgivable weakness. Although we now know different, we need as many reminders as possible that YES IT IS true that we need each other and we cannot, and never were, expected to do it alone. THANK YOU BRAVE WOMAN and best wishes for your speedy recovery!

    • Michelle says:

      Michelle, your words brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for your kindness, your support and your beautiful insights. We are truly not meant to be “perfect.” We are simply here to support each other and that is exactly what you’ve done for me here. I am truly looking forward to your insights as we being to look at the energy of struggle and of suffering. How we’ve been programmed to believe that those frequencies and energies are “noble” and “honorable.” It’s time that we all release the shame and pain of not being “perfect” like our religious figures. It is an impossible model and one that I’m finding is quite detrimental to our deep spiritual connection and healing.

      Here’s to knowing who we are; to making a difference by our compassion and vulnerable honesty. Thank you again for being YOU!

      Countless Blessings,
      Michelle

  3. Sunday Oliver says:

    Oh Michelle, I have gone through this one so much – and I think that a lot of this “I have to do it all myself” stuff is based on Protestant work ethic which in turn is based on a really distorted version of what Jesus did, that nasty “he suffered and died for your sins” – this is our model of “goodness”, and especially for healers and people who are more awake to the spiritual nature of things. This is the road we are told is the best one to take. And it is complete BS, but it’s very widespread and deeply-embedded BS – through every aspect of Western European civ – , so it feels like truth.

    My own growing theory on this is that one reason healers (well, everyone really, but I think healers tend to feel more ashamed of it) get sick with things they can’t heal is to connect us with those (human and otherwise) we’re supposed to be working with, a kind of meta-community that we need for the planet and maybe even the cosmos to be healthy. My own latest contribution to this is to bring the notion of “goodness” into actual love, which counts neither good nor bad (there’s that knowledge of good and evil apple again), but just allows everything to flow into solution. It’s amazing to me how much of my own life has been structured around crippling notions of “being good”.

    • Michelle says:

      Sandy, I couldn’t have said this better! You really do have an excellent grasp of how and where much of this has come into being. I know you, too, have had your incredible healing journey. And I agree with you, that healers tend to feel more shame about their “imperfections” because we are suppose to be the “gold standard” for that whole healing model!

      What is so interesting is how we hold ourselves and all of our messengers to a much higher standard (I’ve done it myself). And while that is human nature, I’ve come to realize how detrimental (and unreasonable) it really is. Each and every one of us are entitled to our personal journey. There is no such thing as “perfection” – in anything. The “perfection” is in the journey and how we choose to handle our challenges. I believe that if we can forgive ourselves for our “imperfections” and stay out of judgment, we can more easily just move through the energy of dis-ease.

      I am really looking forward to helping change this toxic energy so that others will be better able to heal and reclaim their lives. It is just SO important!

      Thank you for being you, for your wonderful insights and your kind words of encouragement.

      Countless Blessings,
      Michelle

  4. susan@susankern.com says:

    Thank you. Beautifully written and expressed. Sending you so much love and joy as you walk this journey. We are doing it together. Thank you for being you!

  5. Janice Gipson says:

    Thank you for opening your journey and insights for us. I’ve experienced the guilt & shame of getting ill and not being able to heal myself by myself. My epiphany, like yours, was the beautiful loving dance of healing each other, sharing and giving expression in our physical bodies of each others gifts is a blessing and part of our purpose as healers. You will only be more a healer through your ongoing healing venture. Many blessings and a speedy recovery. :)

    • Michelle says:

      It has been my pleasure to share my journey with you, Janice. If I can help anyone know that they are not alone in their healing journey, then I feel as if I’ve made a difference. Healing, as your know, is never straightforward. However, especially as a healer, myself, I felt so frustrated and shamed that I could help others, but not myself! That judgment, I know now, is not helpful or warranted. We all have things that we need help with. Being in judgment only makes seeking and accepting outside help more difficult. I would love to help change that paradigm. I think that by bringing awareness to this issue, we can all benefit and begin to simply accept our journeys more easily. That will help the healing process more than anything.

      Thank you again for your lovely, supportive email. I appreciate you!

      Countless Blessings,
      Michelle

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