Are Your Resisting Change? I Have Too.

What a miraculous time we live in. Every day there are new inventions, new ways of thinking, new things to learn. Everything is changing!

Sometimes that change can feel a little overwhelming, though. Even if it’s good.

I have a confession to make: I haven’t always done change very well. I often go kicking and screaming (sometimes literally!), and with a great deal of resistance.

Of course, that resistance only causes greater pain and frustration, but hey,
old habits die hard. Right? But do they really have to?

I have experienced profound changes in the last few weeks. It’s like the Universe has given me the opportunity to purge all kinds of old programming and fear that I wasn’t even consciously aware of that was living inside of me.

It’s been a roller-coaster ride that I wasn’t sure I would survive without going completely insane.

It’s one of the reasons I haven’t put out a newsletter for that last two months, because I wasn’t sure I really had anything valuable to share with you! That might have been my shadow, but it felt hypocritical trying to spout something positive when I was feeling anything but!

What I have learned in the last few weeks is how to let go. Of everything. Of my need to control situations. The need to control the outcome of my business, my life, my health, my family… of everything!

I’ll admit, Divine surrender hasn’t come easily. I’ve resisted letting go. And I have another confession to make: I’m a newly recovering control freak.

It’s tough to own up to something like that. It doesn’t sound pretty or nice. And it really isn’t. I used the excuse for control that the buck stopped here with me. And it did.

But always being in control is exhausting. And painful. And lonely. It strains relationships. It stresses our health. It damages our self-worth and self-esteem, because, let’s face it, if you aren’t always in control, there’s really something wrong with you. At least that was my underlying core belief.

OK I can only speak for myself, but that’s what my inner committee kept telling me. It’s really a recipe for madness, illness and unhappiness.

So here’s some of the life-lessons I have learned as a recovering control freak, as I have learned to just let go of control:

What I’ve found in letting go, is inner peace. I realized that I’m no longer responsible for healing and saving the world. (Yeah, that was really never my real job, but, hey! I tried!)

Inner peace is exquisite! I never knew just how valuable it really is! Or just how good it feels. For a control junky, it’s a new and powerful feeling and experience that I wish everyone could experience – but it’s truly an inside job.

Teaching is one of my major life paths. It brings me immense joy to show and teach others what I’ve learned. I love it when I can share my life lessons and the wisdom I’ve learned from my struggles, to help others and provide a short cut to their own growth and personal happiness.

I’ve learned that it’s not my responsibility. If what I’m teaching or sharing it doesn’t resonate with someone, or if they don’t implement it for themselves, it’s not my responsibility. It’s theirs. I don’t have to try to control or be responsible for their outcome. They get to choose for themselves. Wow! What a relief that insight was! lol

I’ve found a new, deeper connection within myself to the Divine. That deep connection makes me happy and I feel content with myself and my life purpose.

I’ve learned how to simply let my fears wash through me, uncontrolled, terrifying and unbounded, while tears roll down my face and my sobs of terror echo around me. It feels liberating to know that I didn’t dissolve into nothingness, or madness – or even die, like that inner committee suggested would happen.

In fact, allowing the fear to completely swamp me, gave me a new perspective on my life. It allowed me to understand just how strong and resilient I truly am. It gave me something I’ve never fully experienced before.

I’m not completely sure what it is called, other than Pure Presence. Or possibly Alignment. But it is exquisite.

Was the experience of being bombarded by my fears scary and overwhelming? Yes. For a few minutes. And when it finally washed through me, it left me feeling peaceful and whole. I wish I’d done that process years ago! I could have saved myself untold hours of anguish and pain.

I’m quite sure I will experience fear again – possibly even terror. It’s part of life. Like joy, and excitement. Like love and pain. But this time, I welcome it. Because it’s trying to tell me something about myself.

As we allow ALL of our feelings to fully manifest, they no longer have the power to control us.

By allowing ourselves to feel the guilt until it loses its vicious grip on our minds and bodies, we emerge into self-love and self-acceptance.

By allowing ourselves to fully feel our fears and vulnerabilities until they finally let go of us, we free ourselves to experience inner peace and contentment.

When we allow ourselves to feel and experience the full range of human emotion – without judgment! – we give ourselves permission to fully live, expand, evolve and grow.

I’m positive there’s so much more to learn about letting go and creating healthy boundaries. But what an adventure! What an opportunity for real growth and transformation!

As a recovering control addict, I am sure I’ll have my relapses. And when I do, I will forgive myself, ask for forgiveness of others and love myself into greater awareness, peacefulness and joy.