Abandonment: The High Cost of Low Self-Worth – Part 4

Last month we talked about some of the ways that the low self-worth program of “I don’t feel safe” might be impacting your life.

Today let’s talk about the program of “Abandonment.”  This program, running in the background of the subconscious mind, can cause all kinds of havoc!  If you’ve ever experienced being abandoned by a family member, a loved one, God, or friends, you know that awful feeling of being rejected, feeling unloved, worthless, completely alone, without help or resources to bring you any comfort.

Being abandoned is one of the most vulnerable feelings we can experience, especially as a small child, because we don’t have the physical, mental, emotional or financial resources to be able to take care of ourselves.  It makes us question everything about ourselves and our place in the world, and can have a lasting impact throughout our lives.

I have worked with hundreds of people who have experienced being abandoned in early childhood.  Some were adopted.  Others, by parents who were active alcoholics or drug addicts.  Some were left to physically fend for themselves at the ages of two, three, and four years old – some with even younger siblings they h
d to care for – while their parents went out to get high or drunk.  Then having to deal with the effects of scary, abusive or “overly affectionate” behavior from those same parents who were supposed to love, care for, and nurture them and were anything but.

Having to learn how to simply cope with the terror of being abandoned with no food, in dark homes, with no care giver can obviously leave profound imprints on those who have experienced this type of abandonment.  Many of my clients still struggle to feel loved, to be able to find an emotional connection to others, and to feel secure enough to follow their dreams and passions, and develop their inherent personal gifts.

Not everyone, of course, has experienced those types of abandonment extremes.  Sometimes being accidentally left somewhere by a parent or friend can trigger abandonment issues.  Having parents who are so busy with work, or a physical illness, that there is little time left over for children rearing can also feel like abandonment.  Having a spouse who travels extensively can make you feel like you’ve been abandoned, even if there is constant communication between the two of you.

There are countless ways that we can feel abandoned.  Some are big, some are small, but the energy of abandonment always impacts us in unseen ways.

One of the ways that being abandoned can show up with a real twist, though, is when we abandon ourselves.  If the energy of abandonment is not resolved, we can continue the pattern of abandonment by not taking care of ourselves – or even unconsciously physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually or financially abandoning those we love, as well.  That can look like:

• Not eating healthy foods
• Not getting enough exercise
• Not getting medical or mental health care when we don’t feel well
• Not getting proper medical or mental health care for those in our care
• Not taking time to nurture and be with ourselves
• Abandoning our dreams because “life gets in the way”
• Allow other people’s agendas for our lives to become more important than what we really want for ourselves
• Not knowing how or being able to say “NO” when we want and need to
• Emotionally, mentally, physically tuning out of our lives through over-work, substance abuse, chaos, over-commitment, or any other type of addiction
• Not being fully present and conscious of what we are doing – living anywhere but the present
• Not saying “YES” to our education, dreams, goals, and gifts
• Not following through – leaving things undone or procrastinating
• Not knowing how to allow ourselves to really love and support ourselves, our spouses and our children
• Numbing out so that we don’t have to feel too much – being emotionally unavailable
• Unconsciously sabotaging a great career so that you get fired or feel like you have to leave
• Unconsciously sabotaging your relationships so that you always feel left behind

These are just a few of the ways that we can abandon ourselves and those whom we truly love.  As you go through the next days and weeks, I challenge you to keep a journal and explore how you might be feeling abandoned by others or by yourself.  How you might be abandoning others.

If abandonment energy is present, clear it.  Identify what other energies it might be triggering and clear those, too!  Then see how much more energy you have to infuse your life with what you want to experience.  Fill it with more love, more joy, more compassion for yourself and others.  Infuse your life with the energy of presence and purpose of connection and belonging.

As always, I love to hear from you.  Let me know how you’re doing.  Tell me how you’ve identified this pattern in your life and what has transpired since you’ve taken action to heal it.

If you need help getting to the bottom of abandonment issues and energies, consider joining our monthly membership club!  We meet twice a month for group clearing work!  It’s uplifting, healing and fun.  And it’s an opportunity to be part of a growing community of like-minded people who are just like you – wanting to live fully, joyously, abundantly and connected!  For more information click here.

Be sure to read:

• Learning to Feel Safe – The High Cost of Low Self-Worth and Self Esteem Part 3
• The REAL Cost of Low Self Worth and Self Esteem
• Feeling Disempowered Programs: The High Cost of Low Self-Esteem – Part 5
• The High Cost of Not Practicing Good Self-Care
• The High Cost of Hidden Low Self-Worth and Self-Esteem Programs Part 2