Feeling Disempowered Programs: The High Cost of Low Self-Esteem – Part 5

September 27, 2013 By Leave a Comment

worthlessnessWe’ve been talking about some of the hidden low self-worth and self-esteem programs that limit our success, impact our health and well being and damage our relationships with ourselves and others.

One of the most sinister hidden programs is, “I Am Powerless.”  This hidden program is linked to the program of “Worthlessness.”  However, the energy is different.  People running the program of worthlessness have a powerful belief that they are not deserving of anything good.  People who have the hidden program of “Powerlessness,” usually believe that they are deserving of having what they want, but don’t believe they have the power or resources to obtain it.  They don’t believe they have the ability to achieve their goals and dreams.

At the core of this program is that others are more talented, stronger, smarter, more resourceful, accomplished and more deserving than you.  The underlying belief is that you just don’t have what it takes to succeed.  That there are people, circumstances or hidden blocks that stand between you and your goals and success that you cannot overcome.

This program and belief is often created by childhood experiences such as having controlling or abusive parents.  If you were forced to follow specific rules that didn’t allow you to think or act for yourself, you are at high risk for having this as a hidden program.

Recently I worked with a client who was very accomplished.  She had two masters degrees and was working on her PhD.  She is published, a phenomenal motivational speaker and therapist.  She came to me because she was unhappy and felt like she was blocked from success.  She felt like she could not speak up for herself, and she wanted to figure out why her business wasn’t as successful as she knew it could and should be.

At her corporate job she was passed over again and again for positions for which she was uniquely qualified.  She said, “It’s like I’m completely invisible!  I just don’t get what I’m doing wrong!”  She was extremely unhappy and felt like she was stuck in a job she hated, but couldn’t quit because of the money.

Because she felt she was being overlooked so often at work, she began her own business and it would go well – up to a certain point.  Then something would happen and clients would disappear and the money would dry up.  She would rebuild her practice and watch the cycle happen again and again.  She felt powerless to make the shift from working at the corporate level and making the leap to her private practice because of the money fluctuations.

Working with my client, we discovered that her mother had struggled with a life-threatening illness.  So much time and resources were invested in the mother’s treatment that my client felt like she was constantly ignored and over-looked.  Her emotional needs never got met.  She felt resentful and angry because she felt invisible and unloved at times, then felt guilty because she knew how much her mother was suffering.  And she felt guilty that she had no power to help her mother overcome the illness.

Eventually her mother did overcome her illness.  She remarried a man who was overly protective of her mother and was very strict with my client.  She was forced to maintain high grades, while maintaining the household chores and cooking for the family so her mother was never overly stressed.  Any extra-curricular activities were not allowed because she had so many responsibilities.

As a teen my client was bullied by a group of kids at school.  She was cruelly taunted, made fun of and even physically abused.  No one intervened on her behalf.  She simply endured the bullying until she graduated and went to college on a full scholarship.

What we uncovered was a hidden belief that she needed to be invisible.  That invisibility was important to her safety and that she needed to not make any waves as a child so that it didn’t cause her mother any stress that would make her more ill.  She felt like she was never in control of her life, and never had been.  She felt that someone had always had more authority over her than she had for herself.  The bullying had made her feel that she could not stand up for herself and that it was her lot in life to be the punching bag, door mat or servant for others.  Deep inside, she felt that she didn’t really matter.  She was even questioning her efficacy as a therapist.

This hidden “I’m Powerless” program was causing her to unconsciously sabotage her business.  She didn’t feel like she had the power to change her circumstances.  But even more, when she did make changes, they seemed to make her feel more disempowered her!  She began questioning her value, her work and herself.  The program and belief that she needed to stay invisible, kept her from being promoted at the corporate level.  And it prevented potential clients from seeing her and how her gifts and talents could really help them.

Within days of clearing this hidden low self-esteem program, she was approached by a head hunter for a very high-level position at a different company.  She chose to take the position and to continue to work on her entrepreneurial business as well.  She raised her rates, and at our last session had a waiting list of clients who wanted to work with her.

How might this hidden program be running in your life?  Where do you feel like you are out of control?  What are the different ways you feel helpless to change things in your life?  Do you feeling you don’t matter – or that what you do doesn’t matter?  Do you feel trapped?  Hopeless?  Invisible?  Without resources to change your circumstances?

As you explore these questions and investigate the roots of your feelings, make sure you keep a journal of all that you have been feeling and experiencing.  Use the Quantum Soul Clearing Process to release the negative feeling that come up as you explore what is holding you back.

And if you need help, I’m here to help you find the hidden, underlying low self-worth and self-esteem programs that might be tripping you up.

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Unconditional Receiving

December 26, 2012 By Leave a Comment

‘Tis the season of giving but when it comes to gifting, are we giving from our hearts without expectation of receiving, or is there something in obligation about having to buy something for everybody at this time? The more commercialized our society has become around the holiday season, the more we’re really manipulated into giving, giving, giving, without a thought. Let’s take a brief departure from the unconditional giving we all take part in and focus on its polar opposite: unconditional receiving.  We spend most of our lives being better givers than receivers but the time has come to embrace the willingness to receive.

But what does it mean to receive unconditionally? What are the boundaries in unconditional receiving? Many of us tend not to be open to this idea; while we find no issue with unconditional giving, the idea of receiving tends to make us uncomfortable. Imagine that your car has run out of gas and a friend offers to give you a ride home. You’ll probably start to fret in your mind about how much of an inconvenience this is to your friend, especially because your house is in the opposite direction from his. Did you, however, ever stop to think that your friend is giving you a gift with no strings attached…unconditionally giving? It’s in these moments that you need to stop, accept the gift for what it is, and be willing to receive it. The reality of the situation is that in order for you to get home, you simply must be willing to receive from the ride. Many of us don’t even realize the sort of price tag our minds attach to the receipt of a gift. We unconsciously take responsibility for someone else’s feelings or potential expectations, failing to realize that these assumptions may not even be real in that person’s mind; they may only be in your own mind. And even if that person actually has an expectation, you have to break free of that burden.  In doing so, you lead them to be responsible for whatever expectations they may have, leaving you to only be responsible for your own stuff. This awareness and willingness to receive, without concern of expectation on their part or your feelings of obligation to somehow reciprocate, will alleviate a great deal of undue stress.

Release the unnecessary stress from your life, and allow yourself to receive…without the burden of conditions. Simply stop and accept the gift without imposing your own perceptions of what might be expected back. Keep in mind that there’s something to be said about the law of attraction, and thus, the ability to be a good receiver is crucial to your ability to manifest in the world.

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What’s Next?

December 24, 2012 By 2 Comments

When you’re done clearing and cleaning, you may find yourself asking the question: “What comes next?” This may lead you into crisis mode as you search for answers and start to question more: where are we really going with any of this? What’s the point of the entire game?

A figurative response to these questions is that you get to pass go and collect $200. But what does that really look like? Some of us think we understand and know where we’re going but do we really know? In my mind, the purpose is for the body and the soul is to fuse as one complete immortal unit, and in that process, learn how to be our own God or Goddesses so to speak. We’re here to create new worlds, paradigms, and universes…to be our own creators. In essence, our bodies are designed to be immortal. You may, however, ask, “What do you mean?” We come equipped with stem cells, which in my belief or in my understanding, are just there waiting to be directed where to go. The amazing thing is that every organism on the planet has a set of proteins that are produced in response to stress period. So the whole idea is if we change the stressor, we change the genetics; if we change the thought, we change the genetic expression and who’s to say we can’t change whether our body is capable of regeneration.

To some, there’s no question about the fact that we regenerate. If you get a cut, it heals. If you get burnt, it heals. Our bodies already have the innate knowledge of how to heal. The higher the frequencies of who we are in that sole expression, the more we can accept and express it. The more we embody or allow it to embody itself within our physical bodies, the easier it is to regenerate and to keep those genes happy and healthy with the cells reproducing the way they need to. Thus, it creates this paradigm, this awareness, this feeling or being of health, vitality and youthfulness.

It’s amazing how the mind itself actually can get in the way of what we instinctively know and feel. Our feelings really are the language of spirit, the language of source. Our mind is so powerful, and we’ve trained it away from our feelings in so many cases. The truth is that our feelings are really the power of creation. It’s the interface between thought and form or energy and matter. It’s the feeling; if you can bring the feeling into the body, then you’ve already manifested something.

So what is next? To start, we each get to connect with our conscious awareness, understanding and ability to interact as a multidimensional being. While we can be immortal in our physical bodies, we can choose to be aware of many different avenues or dimensions of expressions simultaneously. It seems that more people are really opening up to that reality and that paradigm. The veils between the worlds are getting thinner and thinner with greater or easier access and less interference between these multi-dimensions. Metaphorically speaking, the elevators always go to the infinite stories of that building; we just didn’t know that we had the pass key for all those floors. Once you become consciously aware of the “Oh, I’d like to go there” and see what’s happening feeling, you start to notice how what’s happening over here simultaneously affecting what’s going on over there.

As this new transformation becomes real, a new honoring will also take place. There will be a new level of honoring that we’ll each have for ourselves where we’ll free ourselves to be, explore, experience, and create. We’ll be able to do so in a space where others are also allowing themselves to honor themselves and thus, resulting in easily honoring others as well. The concept of competition is dissolving away as we come into a world where everybody recognizes and embraces that they have their own uniqueness. We’ll also all realize that it’s ok to be different because we’re all playing in that same sand box of honoring ourselves and honoring others.

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The Choices We Make

December 21, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Our choices determine a great deal for us; both the conscious choices and the unconscious ones can have a powerful impact on our lives. We all know that we have the ability to make choices (both good and bad) but we need to be aware that each choice actually moves us into a different dimension. There’s a dimensional scale, and each one of us is actually living in diverse dimensions that collide and intersect. Not one of us, however, lives in a set dimension. Therefore, as each choice is made, it moves us on this vibrational scale from one dimensional reality to another to another to another and so forth.

Each choice we make, whether we’re making it from a conscious or unconscious standpoint, affects our ability for health, wealth, and relationships. We need to make an effort to “muscle test” every conscious decision we make. We all make unconscious, split second decisions about what we’re eating, how we walk, and many other things but the more conscious we are, the more we can bring our feelings and our awareness into the present moment. The result will allow us to be aware of as many decisions as possible and making those decisions consciously and weightily, asking important questions such as:  is this in my best interest? Is this in alignment with my feelings? Is this in alignment with my purpose and my passion and who I want to become? We should make our decisions by becoming aware and fully conscious of the choices we’re making from moment to moment that either helps or hinders us.  If you make conscious choices and take responsibility for them, the kingdom is available. When you’re choosing from that conscious place, you’re choosing a kingdom of God and to create that heaven on earth with your conscious choices.

Everything is determined by our choices. We have to change our unconscious programming and take notice of the change that the universe is bringing upon us and what it is we want to create in this change. If we’re making our choices based on fears, we’re not making the choices in accordance with our highest being (because fear doesn’t exist there). One way to banish fear is to step out of judgment. Now, many of us tend to be able to step out of judgment when it comes to others but it’s not so easy when it comes to ourselves. If you have two chocolate bars, a bag of chips, and two bottles of wine one day, that’s ok. You’re not supposed to judge yourself. Just beware: it’s a choice. You can’t allow your fear to consume you and affect your physiological response. Don’t permit the “Oh, my gosh! I’ve had the chocolate and I’m going to get fat and my blood sugar’s going up and you know all of that” fear to take residence in your mind. Give your mind a complete system rewrite by deleting fear and self-judgment. Welcome a new awareness and knowingness in your body. It’s all about where you choose to put your energy and what your true power really is when it comes to creating the reality.

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Change

December 19, 2012 By Leave a Comment

So much of the creativity and the expression that we have to bring forth may be resisted along the way. The energies that are building seem to be achieving some sort of critical threshold where resistance still lies. The cosmic energies, however, are building to a point where resistance is futile. It’s time to think gracefully into that next phase of expression and creativity that we’ve come here to burst forward. Imagine that the planet is supporting this process, like someone is holding your hand through it all. Let the shadow pieces come out, and allow them to return to you as you come into who you are. Be open to the opportunity to be who you are and take this journey of self knowledge and self actualization.

When on this journey, it’s vital to acknowledge where we’re at, even acknowledging that we have negative thoughts and feelings at times. The key is to stay with those negative thoughts and consciously choose a different thought and paradigm in the midst of it. Allow yourself to feel without fear or judgment. It’s easy to say, “Oh, geez! Here I am on my back. How am I going to handle this?” But try seeing it as an observation rather than a judgment, looking at things from a more rational perspective. That vantage point will permit you to say, “It is what it is. This is what I’m feeling so what do I want to create?” and get out of that place of blame, shame, and guilt. Try to determine what the gift is in that feeling and what you want to create from it. Choosing consciously what you want is where change begins.

With all the planetary support that we receive, one of the most practical ways of stepping in to making this change clear is to step back and be honest with yourself about what your heart is longing for. Look at all the triggers that are showing up in your life, all the buttons that are being pushed, to determine exactly what that is. Imagine a spider web where your heart’s desire is sitting at the middle of the web with all the strands radiating outward. At times, something comes along and tweaks that strand, serving as a trigger because there’s a piece in that strand that’s going directly into your heart. Somewhere on the strand there’s a wound that you haven’t nurtured fully, gained its wisdom, and incorporated it into the fullness of who you are. As you look at each strand, you get closer and closer to truly knowing what it is that your hearts long for.  As you get the courage to step onto each of those strands, you can look directly at the wound that’s been triggered and fully own every aspect of your reaction. You can ask yourself, “Why am I reacting here?”  The clarity and the power of cosmic alignment is if we have the courage to ask this very question. The universe, in turn, will reply “Oh! You’ve finally asked that question?” and if we do that, we’re going to get the answers placed right in front of us: the acceptance piece (where you get the clarity of what that wound is and don’t run away from it).

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Acceptance

December 17, 2012 By Leave a Comment

The idea of acceptance can be challenging to us all at times. True acceptance dictates that we’re able to receive the present moment and the feelings (including discomfort) that come with doing so. Compare your moments of acceptance to how you feel when you’re in a place of non-acceptance or resistance to what’s going on. Think about how those two places differ and consider how you can make the shift from resistance to acceptance.

All too often we become consumed by changing our circumstances when we should simply make an effort to become conscious of being present and not get caught up in trying to make everything different. We talk about manifesting, and we’d all like to manifest abundance, health, and a great new world.  At some point, however, we have to stop and accept where we are, being able to be comfortable and grateful for that place and in that energy. We need to feel and accept that energy, being able to burst forward from that place of acceptance with “I’m ok where I am”. Are you able to accept in this way?

As a society, it seems as if we’re bred to accept resistance in our everyday lives. Every commercial you see on TV is about a new wonderful way to not accept who you are (i.e. makeup and hair dye). Even the act of taking a painkiller to get rid of a headache is a sign of resistance; that headache represents of a non-acceptance of something at some level, whether you know something’s going on emotionally and mentally. There’s so much non -acceptance that it appears that we’re constantly pushing against ourselves. Somewhere in there, though, it feels like we’re pretty close to being ready as a society to open the gate and stop pushing.

Humanity has suffered from multiple personality syndromes for many, many thousands of years. We have the flesh which is carnal and sinful, the mind where the ego resides, and then we have a spirit which is just kind of here waiting to live out its full potential. We’ve been taught for thousands of years to embrace this split personality but now, it seems enough of us have begun to realize that we are this energy, this life, this creative force and that we are not fractured. It’s an experience, an illusion of being fractured that we’ve been creating for ourselves but in actuality, our intellect and bodies exist because we are eternal, spiritual, energy creative beings. We are fusing the three (flesh, ego, and spirit) back together and in essence, doing what a good shrink would do, pulling all the parts back together and fulfilling our potential.

Consider this scenario: what if I was the creator, creating this experience of life as me, playing as me and the perspective I play? Think about the moments that you really struggle the most with accepting, and ask yourself what if I’m creator. Your focus will completely change because you’ll no longer be stuck on the infinitesimal details, the “everything that’s wrong that I’d love to fix” minutiae. It all comes back to considering things from a much bigger and broader perspective.

Acceptance is like the WD40 of life, and in your moments of acceptance, there’s no resistance once you decide that you don’t need to do this. Even when things aren’t quite going as planned or as you hoped, allow yourself a moment of surrender and say out loud, “I’m ok!” Feel the flow of energy move through your body, through each cell. Allow yourself to be in a different space than you were in just two minutes before, live in that ok-ness and place of acceptance, and start your day anew.

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Looking at Fear from a Larger Perspective

December 14, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Our own perspective may limit us in our paths to a limitless reality. One way to rise above this issue is to look at the fear from a larger perspective. Think about the big places in your life that were obstacles. Instead of letting them overwhelm you, transform them into simple challenges that you can deal with more easily. This stands true when we’re involved in drama, when there’s no money in the bank, our marriages are falling apart, we’re fighting with our co-workers, or whatever it happens to be. We can easily get sucked into believing that third dimensional perspective is all there is; you can, however, just take a step back and zoom the camera out. For example, if being in the thick of the drama equals one foot, take your camera (or your perspective) out to a 1,000 feet and look at things from this larger place. This may challenge your imagination but you can learn how to go there.

Once you’ve expanded your perspective to a 1,000 feet, challenge yourself to take it to 10,000 feet and then 50,000 feet.  God or the universe (whatever you choose to refer to that over lighting intelligence that rules this place of which we are all a part of and we are connected to) is not limited to that third dimensional, “stuck in your face” stuff that we’re faced with. And ultimately, there’s always a bigger perspective; it allows us to see that thing that’s challenging us at that very moment is exactly the exercise that we get to evolve as a soul, to expand our conscious awareness, and to move into a place where we can actually start to see ourselves as part of the oneness.

Picture yourself looking at a leaf, and then imagine yourself moving into space, looking back at Earth. What was once so predominant and consumed your vision when you were looking at the leaf (or the troubled child that you don’t know how to deal with), when you’re looking at the whole planet, is much easier to sit back, take a breath, and let it go. You can simply say to yourself “I don’t have all the answers right now. I don’t have the full perspective, and I know there’s more to this. Whatever happens, happens for a reason, and that reason is always 100% of the time to serve my highest good because I am part of the creation.” When you’re sitting here on the planet in your little office or in your house, it’s really easy to feel that you’re alone. But when you zoom yourself out to look at the whole planet, you know there are six, seven billion of us on that planet. It gives you a whole different perspective of where things are. Just step out of the drama, and once you do, it’s much easier to ask yourself those questions that can bring you back into that space of what’s really important to you (i.e. what are you values? what are you endeavoring to create in this world?) and find that peace within yourself. When we find that peace within, we can begin to create it in the world. There will not be peace in this world until there’s peace in every heart, and it begins with each one of us.

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What is Quantum Soul Clearing?

December 12, 2012 By Leave a Comment

What is quantum soul clearing? To answer your question, just consider a time of playful co-creation where you can abandon all the rules and limitations that keep you living in fear and what you can imagine into being if allowed to do so. Think about expanding and proceeding what is possible for ourselves, our communities, our countries, and our earth. There is a new earth and a new way of being, awaiting to be born right now, and you just need to dream it into being. Overcoming fear and limitations is the essence of quantum soul clearing.

One of the first steps to weaving and dreaming this earth into being is to really look at what holds you back. It starts with the idea of exploring choices, the power of your choices, and becoming more comfortable and aware about what your choices are, even those unconscious ones that you don’t remember making. You also have to start observing your patterns, observing where your fears are and walking through those fears into that powerful place. Once you access that place, then your dreams are more easily woven, allowing you to step into a place of creativity.  The only limitation that really exists in this universe is your imagination, and thus, you must be willing to take yourself to a place where you can reconnect with that imagination. Give yourself permission to go back to that playful place.

This concept is coming up increasingly for many people, whether they’re consciously on a journey of personal development and spiritual expansion or not. With the current situations in the world, in our individual lives, and with all the systems that support our individual lives, we really don’t have much of a foundation left anywhere to hold onto. In turn, this creates a great deal of fear, especially as our economic systems began to crumble. The result is increasing instability and fear, leaving people to wonder:  “Oh, my gosh! Is everything that I’ve worked for still going to be here?” As we look at those fears and look at what’s underneath them, that’s where the true power lies.  You’ve got to work the underlying emotions to combat a reality around us that is limiting in nature from the fear.

You’ve got to challenge yourself daily to look underneath the fear and then to look beyond it. As you face it head on, mark each footstep towards the direction of what your biggest fear is in that moment because it is there that your biggest gifts lie; this is true for all of us. If we can actually walk through our fears, there’s a limitless reality or infinite potential that awaits us.

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